Fort Paradox Pop Quiz: Captain Mallard
Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Mallard: Heroic, Bespectacled Tetrahedral Starship Commander.
Q: What's your favourite colour?
Mallard: Purple.
Q: Favourite number?
Mallard: Probably 4 - I'm a tetrahedron, after all.
Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Mallard: My old house. The officers' quarters around here are decent enough, but home was comfier.
Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Mallard: The sense of authority. It's nice to be taken seriously.
Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Mallard: Oh, I don't know really. Maybe taking the Fort for an adventure, saving a load of people, and being offered caviar by my grateful beneficiaries.
Q: So is there anywhere you'd especially like to visit?
Mallard: No one place in particular. I just potter around and tick off as many as I can, in any old order.
Q: And finally: wherever did you find that hat?
Mallard: It was waiting for me on the seat when the computer made me Captain. Along with a Lord of the Rings-sized instruction manual which I might get round to reading someday.
Q: Thanks for your valuable time, Captain.
Mallard: Don't mention it.
Tuesday 30 August 2011
Friday 26 August 2011
Tuesday 23 August 2011
Pop Quiz: Darlan
Fort Paradox Pop Quiz: Darlan
Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Darlan: Inventor, Entrepreneur, Mechanic, Philanthropist, Green.
Q: What's your favourite colour?
Darlan: #00ff22 green, as that's the colour of the drill beam from the XGT47, one of my favourite XGT units. #77dddd cyan is also very pretty, but I haven't thought of anything to make with it yet...
Q: Favourite number?
Darlan: 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812848111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196442881097566593344612847564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432664821339360726024914127372458700660631558817488152092096282925409171536436789259036001133053054882046652138414695194151160943305727036575959195309218611738193261179310511854807446237996274956735188575272489122793818301194912. Because Pi to 500 decimal places is really useful. And fun. And Ernie now owes me £10.
Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Darlan: Very little, right now. I'm having too much fun at the moment to worry about home, and I'm sure it's not permanent.
Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Darlan: EVERYTHING!!!!!
Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Darlan: Ooh… Something interesting, but unexpected happening. And fireworks.
Q: Where would you most like to visit?
Darlan: The Forsen Technologies production centre. I've been there once or twice before, but I generally don't seem to be able to get beyond the boardroom.
Q: And finally: Have you ever invented something genuinely safe?
Darlan: Yes. Once I invented a nuclear reactor that ran on nothing but salt. I think it was very safe, because when it blew up, there was no messy radioactive waste polluting the environment. Just nice safe antimatter.
Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Darlan: Inventor, Entrepreneur, Mechanic, Philanthropist, Green.
Q: What's your favourite colour?
Darlan: #00ff22 green, as that's the colour of the drill beam from the XGT47, one of my favourite XGT units. #77dddd cyan is also very pretty, but I haven't thought of anything to make with it yet...
Q: Favourite number?
Darlan: 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812848111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196442881097566593344612847564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432664821339360726024914127372458700660631558817488152092096282925409171536436789259036001133053054882046652138414695194151160943305727036575959195309218611738193261179310511854807446237996274956735188575272489122793818301194912. Because Pi to 500 decimal places is really useful. And fun. And Ernie now owes me £10.
Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Darlan: Very little, right now. I'm having too much fun at the moment to worry about home, and I'm sure it's not permanent.
Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Darlan: EVERYTHING!!!!!
Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Darlan: Ooh… Something interesting, but unexpected happening. And fireworks.
Q: Where would you most like to visit?
Darlan: The Forsen Technologies production centre. I've been there once or twice before, but I generally don't seem to be able to get beyond the boardroom.
Q: And finally: Have you ever invented something genuinely safe?
Darlan: Yes. Once I invented a nuclear reactor that ran on nothing but salt. I think it was very safe, because when it blew up, there was no messy radioactive waste polluting the environment. Just nice safe antimatter.
Friday 19 August 2011
Tuesday 16 August 2011
Pop Quiz: Doorwardens
Fort Paradox Pop Quiz: The Doorwardens
Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Doorwarden: Doors, Doorframes, Doorways, Door-handles... Robot.
Q: What's your favourite colour?
Doorwarden: I think most of the doors in here are greyish or brownish.
Q: So your favourite colour is greyish-brownish?
Doorwarden: Yes.
Q: Favourite number?
Doorwarden: About eight-and-a-half million, because last time one of us tried to count, I think that's how many doors there were in the Fort.
Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Doorwarden: I didn’t have a life before Fort Paradox.
Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Doorwarden: So many exciting doors to stand next to!
Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Doorwarden: 24 hours standing next to a really big door. And opening the door, and closing the door. And saying hello to people who come through the door when I open it.
Q: No signs of clinical obsession going on here, are there... Next question: where would you most like to visit?
Doorwarden: All the doors I haven’t stood next to yet!
Q: Definitely no signs of obsession. And finally: do you have any interests which don’t involve doors?
Doorwarden: Should I?
Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Doorwarden: Doors, Doorframes, Doorways, Door-handles... Robot.
Q: What's your favourite colour?
Doorwarden: I think most of the doors in here are greyish or brownish.
Q: So your favourite colour is greyish-brownish?
Doorwarden: Yes.
Q: Favourite number?
Doorwarden: About eight-and-a-half million, because last time one of us tried to count, I think that's how many doors there were in the Fort.
Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Doorwarden: I didn’t have a life before Fort Paradox.
Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Doorwarden: So many exciting doors to stand next to!
Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Doorwarden: 24 hours standing next to a really big door. And opening the door, and closing the door. And saying hello to people who come through the door when I open it.
Q: No signs of clinical obsession going on here, are there... Next question: where would you most like to visit?
Doorwarden: All the doors I haven’t stood next to yet!
Q: Definitely no signs of obsession. And finally: do you have any interests which don’t involve doors?
Doorwarden: Should I?
Friday 12 August 2011
Episode 70
Script by MGHC & TMJ & SRJ --- Artwork by MGHC
Bonus points for anyone who gets the cryptic reference...
Tuesday 9 August 2011
Pop Quiz: Louis
Fort Paradox Pop Quiz: Louis
Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Louis: Hmm… Fast, Agile, Racer, Mechanic… Hang on, do you count "Hmm" as one of the words?
Q: What's your favourite colour?
Louis: Green. Most snails and slugs like green, as it reminds us of lettuce and runner beans.
Q: Favourite number?
Louis: Ooh, favourite number. Umm… I don't really have one.
Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Louis: Hmm… Fast, Agile, Racer, Mechanic… Hang on, do you count "Hmm" as one of the words?
Q: What's your favourite colour?
Louis: Green. Most snails and slugs like green, as it reminds us of lettuce and runner beans.
Q: Favourite number?
Louis: Ooh, favourite number. Umm… I don't really have one.
Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Louis: Ernie and the rest of the boys. It's a shame we can't all be here.
Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Louis: Well, what do you think? It's another adventure! What else could you ask for?
Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Louis: I think it would have to involve eating someone's cabbage, and a trip to Silverstone. Preferably intertwined somehow.
Q: Where would you most like to visit?
Louis: It would have to be the Top Gear test track.
Q: And finally: Talking of Top Gear, who do you think the Stig is?
Louis: Sorry, George asked me not to tell anyone...
Thursday 4 August 2011
Tuesday 2 August 2011
Pop Quiz: Oney
Fort Paradox Pop Quiz: Oney
Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Oney: Errm. I'm not in five words… I'm in a room thingy with a microphone in front of me.
Q: What's your favourite colour?
Oney: Red. It's the colour of my shirt, and it's amazing and very brainy.
Q: Favourite number?
Oney: 18. And 1. Both really.
Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Oney: Guns. And the life restorator. And Moonwater. I'd kill for some Moonwater right now.
Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Oney: I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS *beep*ING PLACE!!!!! I HAVE TO RUN AROUND CLEANING EVERYTHING AND I'VE GOT TO LOOK AFTER GAVIN WHO'S JUST A *beep* HEAD ON A *beep* STICK FROM *beep* THREE GROUP!
Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Oney: Kill all my enemies, then have a massive drunken party with all my agents, which ends with Carrots the android getting blown up.
Q: Where would you most like to visit?
Oney: Now?
Oney: The bar.
Q: And finally: What's your favourite film series?
Oney: The 2005 Maximus reboot saga. They're well awesome…
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