Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Pop Quiz: Mallard

Fort Paradox Pop Quiz: Captain Mallard

Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Mallard: Heroic, Bespectacled Tetrahedral Starship Commander.

Q: What's your favourite colour?
Mallard: Purple.

Q: Favourite number?
Mallard: Probably 4 - I'm a tetrahedron, after all.

Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Mallard: My old house.  The officers' quarters around here are decent enough, but home was comfier.

Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Mallard: The sense of authority.  It's nice to be taken seriously.

Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Mallard: Oh, I don't know really.  Maybe taking the Fort for an adventure, saving a load of people, and being offered caviar by my grateful beneficiaries.

Q: So is there anywhere you'd especially like to visit?
Mallard: No one place in particular.  I just potter around and tick off as many as I can, in any old order.

Q: And finally: wherever did you find that hat?
Mallard: It was waiting for me on the seat when the computer made me Captain.  Along with a Lord of the Rings-sized instruction manual which I might get round to reading someday.

Q: Thanks for your valuable time, Captain.
Mallard: Don't mention it.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Pop Quiz: Darlan

Fort Paradox Pop Quiz: Darlan

Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Darlan: Inventor, Entrepreneur, Mechanic, Philanthropist, Green.

Q: What's your favourite colour?
Darlan: #00ff22 green, as that's the colour of the drill beam from the XGT47, one of my favourite XGT units.  #77dddd cyan is also very pretty, but I haven't thought of anything to make with it yet...

Q: Favourite number?
Darlan: 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812848111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196442881097566593344612847564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432664821339360726024914127372458700660631558817488152092096282925409171536436789259036001133053054882046652138414695194151160943305727036575959195309218611738193261179310511854807446237996274956735188575272489122793818301194912.  Because Pi to 500 decimal places is really useful.  And fun.  And Ernie now owes me £10.

Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Darlan: Very little, right now.  I'm having too much fun at the moment to worry about home, and I'm sure it's not permanent.

Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Darlan: EVERYTHING!!!!!

Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Darlan: Ooh… Something interesting, but unexpected happening.  And fireworks.

Q: Where would you most like to visit?
Darlan: The Forsen Technologies production centre.  I've been there once or twice before, but I generally don't seem to be able to get beyond the boardroom.

Q: And finally: Have you ever invented something genuinely safe?
Darlan: Yes.  Once I invented a nuclear reactor that ran on nothing but salt.  I think it was very safe, because when it blew up, there was no messy radioactive waste polluting the environment.  Just nice safe antimatter.

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Pop Quiz: Doorwardens

Fort Paradox Pop Quiz: The Doorwardens

Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Doorwarden: Doors, Doorframes, Doorways, Door-handles... Robot.

Q: What's your favourite colour?
Doorwarden: I think most of the doors in here are greyish or brownish.

Q: So your favourite colour is greyish-brownish?
Doorwarden: Yes.

Q: Favourite number?
Doorwarden: About eight-and-a-half million, because last time one of us tried to count, I think that's how many doors there were in the Fort.

Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Doorwarden: I didn’t have a life before Fort Paradox.

Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Doorwarden: So many exciting doors to stand next to!

Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Doorwarden: 24 hours standing next to a really big door.  And opening the door, and closing the door.  And saying hello to people who come through the door when I open it.

Q: No signs of clinical obsession going on here, are there...  Next question: where would you most like to visit?
Doorwarden: All the doors I haven’t stood next to yet!

Q: Definitely no signs of obsession.  And finally: do you have any interests which don’t involve doors?
Doorwarden: Should I?

Friday, 12 August 2011

Episode 70

Script by MGHC & TMJ & SRJ --- Artwork by MGHC


Bonus points for anyone who gets the cryptic reference...

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Pop Quiz: Louis

Fort Paradox Pop Quiz: Louis

Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Louis: Hmm… Fast, Agile, Racer, Mechanic… Hang on, do you count "Hmm" as one of the words?

Q: What's your favourite colour?
Louis: Green. Most snails and slugs like green, as it reminds us of lettuce and runner beans.

Q: Favourite number?
Louis: Ooh, favourite number. Umm… I don't really have one.

Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Louis: Ernie and the rest of the boys. It's a shame we can't all be here.

Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Louis: Well, what do you think? It's another adventure! What else could you ask for?

Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Louis: I think it would have to involve eating someone's cabbage, and a trip to Silverstone. Preferably intertwined somehow.

Q: Where would you most like to visit?
Louis: It would have to be the Top Gear test track.

Q: And finally: Talking of Top Gear, who do you think the Stig is?
Louis: Sorry, George asked me not to tell anyone...

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Pop Quiz: Oney

Fort Paradox Pop Quiz: Oney

Q: Describe yourself in five words?
Oney: Errm. I'm not in five words… I'm in a room thingy with a microphone in front of me.

Q: What's your favourite colour?
Oney: Red. It's the colour of my shirt, and it's amazing and very brainy.

Q: Favourite number?
Oney: 18. And 1. Both really.

Q: What do you miss most from your life before Fort Paradox?
Oney: Guns. And the life restorator. And Moonwater. I'd kill for some Moonwater right now.

Q: What do you enjoy most about life on board Fort Paradox?
Oney: I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS *beep*ING PLACE!!!!! I HAVE TO RUN AROUND CLEANING EVERYTHING AND I'VE GOT TO LOOK AFTER GAVIN WHO'S JUST A *beep* HEAD ON A *beep* STICK FROM *beep* THREE GROUP!

Q: What would your perfect day be like?
Oney: Kill all my enemies, then have a massive drunken party with all my agents, which ends with Carrots the android getting blown up.

Q: Where would you most like to visit?
Oney: Now?

Q: Well, yes, I suppose…
Oney: The bar.

Q: And finally: What's your favourite film series?
Oney: The 2005 Maximus reboot saga. They're well awesome…